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Thursday, February 02, 2006

What Would Jack Bauer Do?

Here's a great list of Jack Bauer facts for all you 24 fans. And if you're not familiar with 24, then, well, you really should be. Thanks to Benjie for this list.

FACTS ABOUT JACK BAUER:

  • Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
  • Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

  • Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
  • Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
  • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
  • 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  • Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
  • Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


  • When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
  • You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
  • Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.


  • Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
  • Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
  • Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  • Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

  • When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
  • When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
  • Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
  • Jack Bauer can save money on his car insurance without calling Geico.

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14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might be a little obsessed - but that's OK. Welcome to the world of 24/Jack Bauer fanatics.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Madame Checkit said...

I don't even watch the show and I found that hilarious!

9:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was originally done with Vin Diesel. Check it out.

http://www.4q.cc/vin/

9:09 AM  
Anonymous r said...

http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty

The complete Bauer list

12:36 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Never watched a single episode of 24. Yes, I have been living on a far off planet in a different galaxy. But I will get around to watching it on DVD at some point in the near future. Although I will disciplined and watch just one episode (hour?) a week!

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I beleive them all to be true. They have to be, Jack Bauer is "The Man"

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