New and Improved Scientology! Now With Lightning!

Yeah, yeah I'm sick of all the Tom Cruise "I'm a crazy Scientologist and I love Katie" bullshit too - but this is pretty funny. It's a site called Tom Cruise Kills Oprah and it's basically a looped video of Tom Cruise's ridiculous appearence on Oprah...only with lightning! Sweet! Man, this dude is right off his rocker.

Tom Cruiazy!

Don't Worry, It Comes With A Poutine

Holy Moses! This is the Colossal Colon Clogger burger from Dangerous Dan's Diner in Toronto (Queen E. at Broadview) created after the owner's father had a heart attack. Aw. It's a 24oz beaf patty served with a quarter pound of cheese, a quarter pound of bacon, and 2 fried eggs. Now I'm no vegan or anything, but that's like, um, three different animals in one sandwich. That's almost (I said almost) as bad as turducken. What's that you say? Never heard of turducken? Well my friend, allow me to enlighten you: it's a fucking chicken...in a duck...wait for it...in a turkey! Ew.

Anyway, Dangerous Dan's Colossal Colon Clogger also comes with a large milkshake and a poutine, you know, just in case.

Mmmm...heart attack...

Um, You Mean Graffiti?

The Wooster Collective: a neat-o website devoted to graffiti - or "street art" as they call it - around the world. This isn't the regular run-of-the-mill graffiti that you see on the side of the cornerstore in your neighbourhood that says something like: "MCee Dangrrr wuz here '95" in all kinds of twisty, illegible writing (you know what I'm talking about), no, no, the work featured on the Wooster Collective are the creations of veritable arteests that have yet to be discovered. I mean, these people are making elaborate paintings with spray paint bottles and I can just barely colour inside the lines.

Now it's a cool website and all but let's get serious: people who say "street art" instead of graffiti are kind of like people who use the term "graphic novel" with a straight face. It's a fucking comic book, people! I mean your shit is cool and all - no discussion here - but try not to take yourself so damn seriously, mmkay?

Street art, by a street artist in Spain

Practice Makes Perfect

Here's another gem from PostSecret. I'll post the best ones here as I come across them.

Practice makes perfect.

Is it bigger than a loaf of bread?

OK so here's this neat thing called Twenty Questions. Its creators are calling it "an experiement in artificial intelligence." I'm calling it "a half-interesting way to waste time at work." It's basically a website/game that is designed to guess what you are thinking of based on - say it with me now - twenty questions (or less). Now when I say "designed to guess what you are thinking of", I don't mean that it'll know that you're secretly plotting the murder of the new intern in your office and then planning to stealing his identity and hightailing it to Guadalajara where you'll purchase a tiny blue agave plantation with your savings and make a modest living off selling your harvest to local tequilla manufacturers. What I mean is, you think of an object and you start by establishing whether it is Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Other or Unknown. From there the program asks you various yes-or-no questions until it eventually guesses the object you're thinking of. Here's where the A.I. part comes in: the program "learns" from the answers you give to its questions and uses your answers to build its database and become "smarter". It guessed that I was thinking of "autumn". Don't you hate it when people "unnecessarily" use quotation marks? Me too. Anyway, try the freakin thing here.

Also, did you notice that cool little leave-a-message thing on the bottom-left of my page? No? Well why don't you scroll down and have a look-see, and then, you know, leave a message mmkay?

At Least They Can't Do It Again

OK, I'm about seven months late on this one but, in my own defense, I didn't have a blog seven months ago. Anyway, right after the last U.S. election James Zetlen (not pictured here, I just thought this picture was funnier), a 20 year-old student from the University of Southern California started what has now become a new form of grassroots online protest. Sorry Everybody is a collection of photographs of democrat-voting Americans holding up signs expressing their apologies to the rest of the world for having allowed Bush to be elected for a second term. Most of the participants in this project want to make it clear that they tried their darndest, but they just couldn't do anything about the other half of the population. This website has in turn spawned a slew of reaction and imitation websites. The most interesting was created by some Dutch dudes (do you know them Caroline?) who were most likely sitting around smoking a joint when they came up with Apologies Accepted. I'm assuming the conversation went something like this:

Dutch Guy 1: Dude, you know that site Sorry Everybody? You know, on the internet?
Dutch Guy 2: Yeah, what about it? It's out, who has a lighter?
Dutch Guy 3: Here.
Dutch Guy 1: Well, I just got the best idea ever. We should totally, like, make our own website to accept their apologies!
Dutch Guy 2: Whoa you're right, that is the best idea ever!
Dutch Guy 3: Can I have my lighter back? You always steal them from me.

Only in Dutch.

So, as you smart people might have already gathered, it's a sight where people from all over the world send in similar pictures of themselves holding up signs accepting the apologies of the Americans on Sorry Everybody. Other reaction sites include Sorry Everybody, My Ass and Not Sorry, Not Everybody. As a side note, democrat or not, it seems that capitalism is a difficult thing to avoid - you can purchase the Sorry Everybody book here.

Damn monkey!

Lost and Found and Published

Now I've mentioned Found Magazine before but I don't think I accorded it the attention it deserves. Created by Chicagoan (yes, that's what people who hail from Chicago are called. Yes I know it sounds funny but I am sure. I Googled it.) Davy Rothbart, Found Magazine is collection of random notes and doodles and photographs found by people all over North America. Similar to PostSecret, readers send in their finds by mail and Rothbart and his team sort through them and select the best to make magazines, the Found website and, more recently the Found book. Although they are taken out of context, the notes often hold their own and give the reader insight into the writer's thoughts and feelings at that particular moment in their life. The most important thing that sets the notes of Found apart from the postcards of PostSecret is that the notes are private and were never meant to be seen by anyone's eyes other than their intended recipient's. How come I can't come up with these awesome ideas?

You should be flattered...and what's with the paper?

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

I wonder if he eats ice cream through his chin...hmm...

You missed a spot.

Winchester Crazy Lady

Storytime: so in the mid-nineteenth century in New Haven there was this girl named Sarah Pardee and she married this rich dude named William Winchester who owned a rifle company. So they had a little girl and then she died. And then William died. And then Sarah went crazy. And to make the crazy worse, some "spiritualist" told her that there's a curse on her place and that all the spirits of the people who were killed by the rifles of her husband's company are about to unleash all their dead people powers on her ass. So she gathered up the crazy-huge inheritance from the rifle company (about $20 million which, by my calculations, is the approximate equivalent of $988 billion today) and pulled a mission down to San Jose where she settle her cursed ass into a comfy, white pickett fence house in the Santa Clara Valley. And then for the next 36 years - this is where the crazy really kicks in - she had 22 carpenters work on the house every single day, 24 hours a day. She made them build all sorts of crazy shit like a staircase that leads up to the ceiling, windows in the floor, doors on the 3rd floor that open up to the outside, rooms within rooms, doors that opened up on to walls, you know, that sort of thing. Basically the crazy lady's goal was to build a fucking huge-ass maze that was constantly changing in order to confuse the bad spirits that were after her. Makes sense to me. So when all was said and done, the Winchester Mystery House was seven stories high with three elevators, 47 fire places and 25 bedrooms. And then she died. So I suppose the moral of the story is if you're gonna go crazy, it helps to be loaded.

I love those kinds of stories.

Now if my version of the story wasn't good enough for you and you want to read something more eloquent (and accurate), go here. And if you want to see pictures - cause really what's the point without a picture? - then go here and here. And here's a satellite view of the mansion from Google Maps. Cool huh? Well I thought so anyway.

Thanks to Danielle for telling me about this.

The bathroom? 17th door on your left.

I'm ugly. You're fat. Let's get married.

Ok so everyone has heard of Craigslist, the low-tech, community-based site for classified ads and message boards and other things that defy classification, but I believe most people have missed a little gem tucked away on the bottom left of the Craigslist homepage. It's called Best of Craigslist and it's a compilation of the funniest, most well-written posts on the entire site as voted by readers. Needless to say, there's some funny shit on there. Any time I come across anything hilarious, I'll pass it on. This guy gives an elaborate argument (including graphs and pie-charts) as to why he is the perfect (and only) guy for you. Another girl's post is called I'm ugly. You're fat. Let's get married. She writes:

Let's just cut to the chase. I'm desperate, and only getting lonelier by the day. And you - you may pretend that you're "playing the field", or "sowing the seeds" of your youth, but really, you haven't seen any action since high school. Let's just resign to our fate and get tied down - together. i don't need a real soulmate, just someone to fight with over the phone. promise to call me on my birthday and christmas and valentine's day, only to cancel the plans we made or bitch me out for gaining weight or tell me you secretly think about sleeping with my sister. please, let's just ruin each other's lives already. i know how to dig deep and push buttons, and bring up your weaknesses by highlighting your best friend's strengths. let me degrade you in front of your co-workers, i'll have sex with your boss! so, write back if you seek an emotionless existence with someone you'll detest the sight of more and more each day forever.

Nuff said.

Wizard People, Dear Readers

So this dude from Texas named Brad Neely has recorded a commentary soundtrack to the first Harry Potter movie Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (or Sorcerer's Stone for Americans). He calls it Wizard People, Dear Readers. The idea is to watch the DVD on mute while listening to this guy's voiceover and alternate dialogue in the background. I haven't seen it yet but I can't wait to get my hands on it (thank you brother for downloading it for me), it's supposed to be hilarious. Apparently in this version Harry and his friends are alcoholics and Ron is gay. Whether or not you take an interest in Harry Potter is irrelevant. The point is that this is likely an indication of the direction in which mass media is headed. There has long been talk of interactive media and I think this is the sort of thing we're going to see more of from now on. You can download it here. If you've already heard it, let me know what you think.

Zoom Zoom Dali

Some of you may have already seen this but it's some pretty cool shit so I thought I'd post it here in case you haven't heard of it. It's called Zoomquilt: A Collaborative Art Project. It's a Dali-inspired, creepy flash animation where you use your mouse to control the speed at which you fly through this haunted world within a world within a...well check it out here and you'll see why it's so hard for me to explain. If you like it you can also install it as your screensaver, however I would not recommend doing it cause it slowed down my computer and also freaked me out a little bit.

Hey Tree, you've got something in your eye.

Secret Service

The first thing I thought I'd share with you is PostSecret . It's a blog, but not really. It's more like the everyday sins and secrets of Daily Confession combined with the active reader participation of Found Magazine. People send in a postcard bearing their secrets and confessions and PostSecret publishes them every Sunday. The result is at once entertaining, hilarious and heart-breaking.

Like...everyone?

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Well here I am, finally joining the blogging masses of people who think they have something important to say. The difference is I know I don't have anything important to say but I'm going to say it anyway. This will mostly be a place for me to share neat stuff with neat people. A pretty simple concept, really. Maybe it'll evolve into something different over time. Or maybe I'll get lazy or busy or indifferent or all of the above and it'll die off after this inaugural post and join the forgotten annals of "Blogs That Were Never Meant to Be". But until then, here I am and there you are so let's have some fun shall we? Also, feedback is good. Let me know if the stuff on here is interesting or lame or if you have something cool for me to post.

Jellyfish Fridays

Jellyfish Fridays XXIV
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Jellyfish Fridays XXII
Jellyfish Fridays XXI
Jellyfish Fridays XX
Jellyfish Fridays XIX
Jellyfish Fridays XVIII
Jellyfish Fridays XVII
Jellyfish Fridays XVI
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Jellyfish Fridays XIV
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Jellyfish Fridays XI
Jellyfish Fridays X
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Jellyfish Fridays VII
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Jellyfish Fridays V
Jellyfish Fridays IV
Jellyfish Fridays III
Jellyfish Fridays II
Jellyfish Fridays I
Introduction

January 2006 Links

Adagio Display Teas
Sounds of the World’s Animals
Tom Judd's Everyday
Identity Card Concept Project
Guide To Springfield, USA
Worth 1000 Surf and Turf 3
Googlism
Pictures of Walls
Wake Me Up At
Tiny Plaid Ninjas
Merriam-Webster's Words of the Year 2005
Busted Tees
Tokyo Plastic
Kursorivaras
Lush Shower Jellies
Global Schoolyard Rhymes
Stewie Pinball Video
Fuggy Fuggy

December 2005 Links

Sparkle Ninja Chewing Gum
Lazy Sunday (The Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia)
Shower Shock
Wine Glass Cars
Glasswing Butterfly
Tim Burton's The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Voodoo Knife Block
Sandplay
Nevada Shoe Tree Article
Cartoon Skeletal Systems
MSN Emoticon Theatre
Mortal Combat vs Street Fighter
Google Zeitgeist 2005
Cheetos Lip Balm
Meet The World
Lego Escher
Missed Connection
Snapple Pie
MorFits Quest
Selfshelf
Best Rejected Advertising
Sesame Street Encyclopedia
Uniform Freak
Snowfun
If They Mated
Coca-Cola Blāk
Tic Tac Silvers
Toast In The Post
Take On Me Family Guy Video
Zubbles
Soap Leaves
Chia Board
Qlam
Dairy
One Man Try Tape Dispenser
Virgin Digital Band Name Search Game

November 2005 Links

Aerogel
Matchbook Museum
PotterPuffs
Bran
Harry Potter Graffiti
Nishant Choksi
Transformer Costumes
LEGO Roller Coaster
Straw Art
Luke Chueh
Jello Turkey
Pixel Freak
Confetti Cakes
Tea Forte
Pee & Poo
Etch-A-Sketch Art
iWipe
Liquid Cereal
Forty Faces
Superman's Shield
Blue Ball Factory
Maywa Denki Nonsense Machines
Spiral and Circle
Fake Peter Griffin
Teddy In Sthlm
Matza Wrapping Paper
Stamp Cups

October 2005 Links

iPod xs
Pumpkin Computer
Mario Mosaic
Gallery of Exhausted Japanese Businessmen
ASME Top 40 Magazine Covers
Dr. Seuss Advertising
Old Haunts
Hetemeel's Dynamic Images
Colr Pickr
Manhattan Timeformations
Coverpop
1 Second Film
iPod Scrubs
Complexification
Something
Cassette Jam '05
Exposif Wallpaper
Cuddle Party
Wine Guy
Hats of Meat
mobiBlu
Princeton Art of Science Competition
5 Minute Candle
Design For Chunks
Nokia 888 Comminicator
Crazy Happy Lunch
Pumpkin Gutter
World Chess Boxing Organization
History of Pop-Up Books
Egglings
Lost Characters South Park Style
South Park Studio Version 2
Body Worlds
$100 Laptop
Mr. Picassohead
Bacon Strips Bandages
Hotel Fox
Circus Museum

September 2005 Links

Draw A Pig Personality Test
Holiday Champagne Chair Contest
BookCrossing
Sixes Apart Video
What's In Your Bag Flickr Group
Diego Goldberg Family Pictures
Le Building
Museum of Food Anomalies
Beedogs
X-Wing Starfighter Set-By-Step Guide
Patricia Waller Crochet
Smoke Pictures
Sensitive Light
Minimiam
Corpse Bride Official Site
Snow Crystals
Speech-Bubble Stickers
How To Make Friends by Telephone
The Million Dollar Homepage
Cats In Sinks
South Park Create-A-Character
Comic Strip Generator
Fly Guy
Flipbook Maker
Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About
Qoop
10x10
UrbanFoto
Blue Jake
M.A.S.H.

August 2005 Links

Amaztype
The Unseen Video
Overheard In New York
Weboggle
Cardstacker
Jessica Joslin
Dylan Sisson
Bubblegum Society
Stuff On My Cat

July 2005 Links

Gizoogle
The Brick Testament
Pink Is The New Blog
Don't Click It
Montage-a-Google
Worth 1000

June 2005 Links

Worth 1000
Wooster Collective
Twenty Questions Game
Sorry Everybody
Found Magazine
Winchester Mystery House
Best Of Craigslist
Wizard People, Dear Readers
Zoomquilt
PostSecret